Scottish Jokes And Funny Stories

This is our collection of humorous Scottish jokes and funny stories about Scotland and the Scots. This is page 1 of 5

Hey, Noah, do you want a drink?
Noah don't.

What if you cross a legendary Scottish monster and a bad egg?
The Loch Ness pongster.

What is the name of a Scottish cloak room attendant?
Willie Angus McCoatup.

What is the name of the unhappy range of mountains in Scotland?
The Grumpians.

Did you hear about the Scotsman who washed his kilt?
He couldn't do a fling with it.

A Scotsman wanted to impress his girlfriend so he took her for a ride in a taxi. The trouble was, she was so beautiful he could hardly keep his eyes on the meter.

An Englishman, and Irishman and a Scotsman went into a bar. The Englishman stood a round of drinks, the Irishman stood a round of drinks and the Scotsman stood around.

How do you know if a Scotsman is left-handed?
He keeps all his money in his right-hand pocket.

Hamish was building a garden shed and he ran out of nails so he went to the hardware store to buy some more.
"How long do you want them?" asked the storekeeper.
"Oh, I need to keep them," replied Hamish.

Why do pipers like to march as they play the bagpipes?
A moving target is harder to hit.

A Joke At Random

Young Susie was having trouble with her computer so she called Wes, the computer guy, over to her desk. Wes clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away Susie called after him, "So, what was wrong?" And he replied, "It was an 'ID ten T' error." A puzzled expression ran riot over Susie's face. " 'An ID ten T' error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?" He gave her a grin. "Haven't you ever seen an 'ID ten T' error before?" Susie replied, "No." "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
. . . . . . . . . . I D 1 0 T

You can find more like this in the Computer Programmer & Users category