Random Jokes and Funny Stories

A plane was shot down over Iraq and Saddam Hussain captured a Scotsman, an Englishman and an Australian.
Saddam says, "I'm not as cruel as George Bush says I am. You will be given 50 lashes each, but you can have whatever you want on your back." The Australian goes first, and asks for the finest Kangaroo hide there is to cover his back. This is granted and he receives the kangaroo hide before he receives 50 lashes. His back is all torn and bleeding but he survives.
The Englishman says, "I will take it as it comes, I will have nothing on my back and will be proud to bear the scars" he shouts defiantly "Stiff upper lip you know eh what." His wish is granted and he receives his 50 lashes, his back torn and bleeding, his ribs fractured and protruding, a terrible mess to behold.
"Now Wee Hughie, it's your turn, you have the same choice as the other two, what would you like on your back" says Saddam.
Wee Hughie replies quickly and without hesitation, "I'll have the Englishman".

Located in the Scottish Jokes section
Added: 11-19-2003

Submitted by : Stevan Hogg 

It was a bitterly cold day on the golf course and the caddy was expecting a large tip from his rich Scottish client. As they neared the clubhouse, the caddy heard the words he was longing to hear, 'This is for a hot glass of whisky.' He held out his hand and a sugar cube was placed in it.

Located in the Scottish Jokes section
Added: 12-26-2005

What can you hold in your left hand but not in your right hand?
Your right elbow.

Located in the Miscellaneous Jokes section
Added: 07-09-2009

My sister said to her friend, 'Do you like worms?'
Her friend said, 'No, they're 'orrible things.'
My sister said, 'Why did you just eat one in your sandwich then?'

Located in the Jokes For Children section
Added: 09-21-2003

What is:
peck, peck, peck, BANG, peck, peck, peck BANG??
A chicken in a minefield...

Located in the Chicken Jokes section
Added: 10-06-2003

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the bride wear white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boys thinks about this, and then says, "Well then why is the groom wearing black..."

Located in the Jokes About Children section
Added: 05-11-2006

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Located in the British Humour section
Added: 11-10-2003

Q. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
A. Because it can't sit down.

Located in the Intelligence Tests section
Added: 02-11-2005

"Hi, you have reached .... Please leave your name, phone number and a message and if we like it we will return your call".

Located in the Answering Machine Messages section
Added: 12-12-2004

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Located in the Bumper Stickers section
Added: 10-18-2006