5 Random Jokes And Funny Stories

These 5 jokes and funny stories are selected at random from our jokes and funny stories database. Press "refresh" on your browser to see another 5 jokes.

What do you call a cow with only three legs?
Lean beef.

Located in the What Do? section
Added: 05-09-2006

How many executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A roomful - they have to hold a meeting to discuss all the ramifications of the change.

Located in the Changing Lightbulbs Jokes section
Added: 02-15-2004

A plane was shot down over Iraq and Saddam Hussain captured a Scotsman, an Englishman and an Australian.
Saddam says, "I'm not as cruel as George Bush says I am. You will be given 50 lashes each, but you can have whatever you want on your back." The Australian goes first, and asks for the finest Kangaroo hide there is to cover his back. This is granted and he receives the kangaroo hide before he receives 50 lashes. His back is all torn and bleeding but he survives.
The Englishman says, "I will take it as it comes, I will have nothing on my back and will be proud to bear the scars" he shouts defiantly "Stiff upper lip you know eh what." His wish is granted and he receives his 50 lashes, his back torn and bleeding, his ribs fractured and protruding, a terrible mess to behold.
"Now Wee Hughie, it's your turn, you have the same choice as the other two, what would you like on your back" says Saddam.
Wee Hughie replies quickly and without hesitation, "I'll have the Englishman".

Located in the Scottish Jokes section
Added: 11-19-2003
Submitted by : Stevan Hogg

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What is taking so long? Hit the damned ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Give me a break! You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."

Located in the Jokes About Marriage section
Added: 04-10-2005

Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?

Located in the Computer Programmer & Users section
Added: 02-15-2004

A Joke At Random

A man is driving his car along a lonely country road when suddenly grinds to a halt. The driver tries to restart it but to no avail. So he gets out and opens the bonnet and starts fiddling with the plugs. Suddenly he hears a voice. "The left hand carburettor is blocked, why don't you drain it and the muck should come out too". He turns round and can see no one, so he shrugs and goes back to what he was doing.
"Drain the muck out of the left hand carburettor", says the voice again, and when he turns round all he can see is a black horse with its head over the hedge looking at him. Again the voice tells him what to do and he suddenly realises that the horse is giving him instructions. Too shocked to argue, he does as he is told, starts the car and sure enough it works. He drives down to the nearest pub and, rushing in like a madman, has a stiff drink. Then he says to the barman, "My car broke down up there and a horse told me how to repair it".
The barman looks at him and says, "Was it a black one?"
"Yes."
"I thought so, the white one knows nothing about cars."

You can find more like this in the Animal Jokes category