Miscellaneous Jokes And Funny Stories - 8

This is page 8 of miscellaneous jokes and funny stories.

A cowboy rides into town, hitches up his horse and walks into a bar. He goes up, gets a beer, drinks it, and walks out. Half a second passes and he bursts back into the bar and says "ALRIGHT WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERS PAINTED MY HORSE'S FACE YELLOW?". A huge man-mountain stands up, looks down at the cowboy and says "I DID". The cowboy looks up at him and whispers "The first coat's dry".

Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.

Johnny wanted to look suave for the local dance so he slipped into the local barber shop. "I want a Tony Curtis haircut." So Taffy started trimming around the back with the clippers. Then he started going higher and higher with them till Johnny started to get a bit worried. But like most barbers, this one had verbal diarrhea, and was yapping non stop about movies and movie stars. "Yeah, I like Tony Curtis too." as he trimmed up and over Johnny's ears. "Wasn't he great in 'The King and I'?"

Two carrots were walking down the road when a huge truck slammed into one of them. An ambulance was called and they rushed the little fellow off to the hospital where he immediately went into hours of surgery. Finally the doctor emerged and approached the other carrot who had been anxiously awaiting in the waiting room. "Tell me Doc, how is he?" The doctor replied, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is he's going to live. The bad news is he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.

Do ya guys wanna hear a cookie joke?
Forget it, it's too crummy.

My wife and I were sitting out on our back porch, enjoying a glass of lemonade after a long hard day. A bird flew over and, with perfect aim left a deposit squarely in the middle of my wife's head. She reached up, felt the damage, and shouted: 'Quick, get some toilet paper' 'It wouldn't do any good', I quipped, 'He's miles away by now.'

I was supposed to work in the blood lab, but they told me I wasn't the right type for the job.

If Fairbanks Alaska passed a law outlawing all dogs, what would it be called?
Dogless Fairbanks!

What did the boy mushroom say to the girl mushroom?
Hey, I'm a fun guy!

A Joke At Random

"You have reached 555-5678, DIAL-A-DEMON. At the sound of the tone you will be possessed."

You can find more like this in the Answering Machine Messages category