Miscellaneous Jokes And Funny Stories - 11

This is page 11 of miscellaneous jokes and funny stories.

Two snowmen standing in a field one turns to the other and says "can you smell carrots??".

Submitted by : Stacer

A new porter at a Paris hotel was instructed by the manager that it was important to call the guests by their names in order to make them feel welcome, and that the easiest way to find out their name was to look at their luggage. Armed with this advice, the porter took two guests up to their rooms, put down their bags and said, "I hope you 'ave a very 'appy stay 'ere in Paris, Mr and Mrs Genuine Cow'ide."

A train in India was going very, very slowly, and a group of American tourists were growing increasingly impatient. Finally, when it stopped for about the hundredth time, one of the tourists got out, walked to the front of the train, and asked the train-driver, 'can't you go any faster?'
'Oh, yes sir' replied the driver, 'but I've not allowed to leave the train.'

Question: how do you call a deer with no eyes.
Answer: No idea.

Submitted by : Stephen Sergbor

"During WW2, the French resistance fighters, in their finest hour, bravely threw sticks of dynamite at the advancing German troops." "The Germans then lit them and threw them back."

Submitted by : Stevan Hogg

French President Jaques Chirac, tired of all of the anti-french jokes, since the start of the invasion of Iraq, has announced with great national pride that the super secret French Space Agency will send the first manned mission of three French astronauts to land, and walk on the Sun.
President Chirac stated "This mission will be of historic importance to the world, and restore France's rightful place in the history of the world."
NASSA space scientist's, stunned at the news, asked Mr. Chirca what technology they had developed to keep the astronauts from burning up long before they reached the Sun?
The French President sniffed and replied "Don't be stupid, we are going at night".

Submitted by : Stevan Hogg

People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.

Lead me not into temptation -- I can find it for myself.

Support bacteria - It's the only culture some people have!

There are two things I dislike in a person -
Absentmindedness and... I can't remember the other one.

A Joke At Random

These four guys were walking down the street: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.
A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"
The Saudi says, "Excuse me, what's a shortage?"
The Russian says, "Excuse me, what's meat?"
The North Korean says, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?"
The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? What's excuse me?"

You can find more like this in the American Humor category