Jokes And Funny Stories For Children - 12

This is page 12 of jokes and funny stories for children.

My dad went down the churchyard. He said to the vicar, 'Would you like me to put some locks on the cemetery gates?'
The vicar said, 'There's no point. The ghosts have all got skeleton keys.'

My mum got on this speaking weighing machine. She said, 'Right, what do l weigh?'
The weighing machine said, 'One at a time please!'

'Do you know what they said the night the Forth Bridge fell down?'
'No, what did they say the night the Forth Bridge fell down?'
'That's a pity. We'll have to build a fifth!'

Hear about the polar bear who tried to eat a penguin?
He couldn't get the wrapper off.

Hear about the famous inventors who failed to invent the aeroplane?
They were the Wrong Brothers.

Hear about the pilot who bailed out?
He said, 'Bi-plane.'

My uncle said, 'How do you make a baby poisonous snake cry?'
I said, 'I don't know. How do you make a baby poisonous snake cry?'
He said, 'Take away his rattle.'

I went home the other day and I heard' my dad screaming. I said, 'What's wrong?'
He said, 'Your mother was pressing my trousers.'
I said, 'My mother was pressing your trousers and you screamed?'
He said, 'Yes, I was still in them.'

My brother said, 'One of my mates got run over by a car.',br> I said, 'Really, how did he feel?'
My brother said, 'Tyred.'

My brother said, 'Did you hear about the sunburnt shark?'
I said, 'No, what happened to him?'
My brother said, 'He got what he was basking for.'

A Joke At Random

"And this is the sound the aliens made..." (BEEP!)

You can find more like this in the Answering Machine Messages category