Jokes And Funny Stories About Sports - 3

This is page 3 of jokes and funny stories about sports.

A famous footballer went to Heaven and was met by St Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Who are you?' asked the saint.
'What did you do on earth?'
'I was a footballer.'
'Oh, and where are your boots?'
'I left them on earth.'
'Well, hurry back and get them - we're playing a match against Hell tonight.'

Did you know, Peter, I got a new set of golf clubs for my wife last week.'
'Oh, David, what a bargain.'

The whole family was grouped round the television watching an international rugby match and the English full- back once again failed to intercept the opposing wing, who streaked home for his twentieth try. 'That full-back,' said the father, 'he's useless. I don't know why they let him play for the side at all.' 'Well,' said his five-year-old son, 'perhaps it's his ball.'

Good morning, doctor.'
'Good morning. What's the trouble?'
My shins, doctor. Look.'
'Good heavens. They're all hacked to pieces. Looks as if everyone's been kicking you. What have you been playing - soccer or rugby?'
'Bridge.'

This man wrote into the Daily Mirror for some advice. He said, 'Dear Marge, I must get this off my chest. I did this awful golf shot, and the ball didn't go anywhere near: the green. In fact it landed on this bloke's head and killed him. What shall I do?'
Marge said, 'Try and get more rhythm in your swing.'

This trainer came up to this boxer. He said, 'Are you ready for another fight?'
The boxer said, 'Just a bout.'

My brother went to the doctor. He said, 'Doctor, I am obsessed with the idea that I am John McEnroe playing at Wimbledon.'
The doctor said, 'Way out man.
My brother said, You can't be serious...'

My brother went to the doctor and said, 'Some days, I get the strange feeling that I'm a golf club.'
The doctor said, 'Can I join?'

My brother went to the doctor's and said, 'Some days, I think I'm a golf ball.'
The doctor said, 'Well you've come a fair way to see me...'

What do you get if you cross a football team with ice cream?
Aston vanilla.

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