Jokes & Funny Stories - Restaurants & Food - 5

This is page 5 of jokes and funny stories about restaurants and food.

Waiter, waiter, there's a twig in my soup.
Well you did order bird's nest soup, sir.

Waiter, waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
The breast stroke, sir.

Waiter, waiter, have you smoked salmon?
No, sir but I have smoked a pipe.

Waiter, waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.
Yes, sir, it's the hot water that kills them.

Waiter, waiter what's on the menu tonight?
I'm not sure, sir, but it looks like last night's special.

Waiter, waiter, do they ever change the tablecloths in thls restaurant?
I don't know, sir. I've only been here a year.

How did you find your steak, sir?
I just turned over a chip and there it was.

Waiter, waiter, you're not fit to serve a pig.
I'm trying my best, sir.

Waiter, waiter, this food is terrible. Bring me the manager.
I'm sorry, sir. He won't eat it either.

Waiter, waiter, there's a small fly in my soup.
I'm sorry, sir. Shall I get you a bigger one?

A Joke At Random
A big city lawyer was called in on a case between a farmer and the railroad company. A farmer noticed that his prize cow was missing from the field which the railroad passed through. He filed suit against the railroad company for the value of the cow. The case was to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney immediately cornered the farmer and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and the farmer finally agreed to take half of what he was claiming to settle the case.
After the farmer signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't help but gloat a little over his success. He said to the farmer, "You know, I hate to tell you this but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your farm that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand."
The old farmer replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself because that durned cow came home this morning!"
You can find more like this in the Lawyers category

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