Jokes and Funny Stories about Pets

Brian: Yesterday my dog grabbed my dictionary and started chewing it. Fred: So what did you do?
Brian: I took the words right out of his mouth.

My new dog is very obedient. When I say 'heel' he always bites me on the heel.

Submitted by : Shirley

A man went into a pet shop and asked the assistant if they had any dogs going cheap?
He replied, "Sorry sir all ours go woof."

My pet dog is a doberman pincher. All day he goes around pinching dobermans.

Would you like to play with my new dog?
He looks very fierce. Does he bite?
That's what I want to find out.

"Say have you seen my new dog?"
"Spitz?"
"No, but he drools a little."

Where do you take your dog if it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.

Where does Quasimodo keep his pet rabbit?
In a hutch, back of Notre Dame.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"

A man at an auction sale started bidding for a parrot. The bidding went higher and higher, but finally the man bought the bird. Then he realised that he didn't even know if it could talk, so he asked the auctioneer.
"Of course it can talk," he replied. "Who do you think was bidding against you?"