Jokes And Funny Stories About Marriage

Yes, here are the jokes and funny stories about marriage and married life. Plus some jokes about getting married.
Hope my wife does not see these.

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jokes about marriage

Policeman: I am sorry to have to tell you this Mr Brown, but you wife has just fallen into the wishing well and drowned.
Mr Browm: It works!

Wife: What do you mean coming home half drunk at this time of night?
Husband: It's not my fault - I ran out of money.

Husband: Let's go out on the town tonight and have some fun.
Wife: Yeah, but if you get home before me, remember to leave the front door open.

It first occured to me that our marriage might be in trouble when my wife won an all expenses paid trip for two to Hawaii - and she went twice.

An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife to buy a life insurance policy. "Just imagine if your husband was to die tomorrow," he said. "What would you get?"
"Oh, a Labrador dog, I think," replied the housewife. "They're so well-behaved.

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I still miss my ex-husband - but my aim is getting better.

Man to marriage counselor: "My wife and I can't agree on our vacation. I want to go to Bermuda and she wants to go with me."

Wedding rings: The world's smallest handcuffs.

Missing: wife and dog. Reward for dog.

A Joke At Random

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
"Hello?"
"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
"Yes."
"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
"What's the price?"
"Only $1,500.00."
"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much ... "
"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year ... "
"What price did he quote you?"
"Only $60,000 ... "
"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great! But before we hang up, something else ... "
"What?"
"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and ... I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property ... "
"How much are they asking?"
"Only $650,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover ... "
"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $620,000. OK?"
"OK, sweetie ... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
"Bye ... I do too ... "
The man hangs up, and raises his hand and asks all those present,
"Okay... who's phone is this?"

You can find more like this in the Miscellaneous Jokes category