Christmas Jokes And Funny Stories

Here are some jokes and funny stories about christmas or xmas as it is often called.
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Father Christmas

What do you call a man who claps his hands at Christmas time?
Santapplause.

Where do snowmen dance?
At a snowball.

If you have a fear of Santa Claus coming down your chimney at Christmas, are you suffering from Santaclaustrophobia?

What do angry mice send at Christmas?
Cross mouse cards.

Every Christmas I get a horrendous pain that stays for a week. Then my mother-in-law goes back to her own house.

Father: Did you see Father Christmas this year, son?
Son: No it was too dark to see him, but I heard what he said when he stubbed his toes on the edge of my bed.

I don't care who you are, get those reindeer and that sleigh off my roof.

Fred: What kind of Christmas did you have?
Tom: Oh, the same as last year, thirty minutes eating turkey, mince pies and Christmas pudding, followed by three days in bed recovering.

Steve: What's your father getting for Christmas?
Dave: Bald and fat.

Who used to take presents to the famous detective, Sherlock Holmes?
Santa Clues.

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A Joke At Random

One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any writing on it?
Blonde: Yes it does.
Doctor: And what does it say?
Blonde: It says "Pull"

You can find more like this in the Jokes About Blondes category