Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals - 5

 

This is page 5 of jokes and funny stories about animals.

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A man's car suddenly stopped dead when he was driving down the middle of a country lane. He stepped out of the car and looked inside the bonnet to see if he could fix it. After a while a horse ambled up beside him, had a look at the car and said:
'Your trouble is probably in the carburettor.'
The man was so amazed that he ran down the road until he met the farmer walking towards him. He stopped the farmer and told him exactly what had happened.
'Did the horse have a white patch in the middle of his forehead?' asked the farmer.
'Yes, yes!' cried the motorist.
'Don't pay any attention, then,' said the farmer, 'that was only old Dobbin and he doesn't know a thing about cars. '

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A circus trainer was riding his horse around the circus ring when a little dog jumped into the ring and shouted:
'Hello, there!'
'Hello,' replied the surprised trainer, 'I didn't know that dogs could talk.'
His horse turned his head and said:
'You learn something new every day, don't you?'

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The thunder god went for a ride on his favourite horse,
'I'm Thor' he cried.
The horse replied:
'You forgot the thaddle, thilly.'

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'Would you rather a lion ate you or a gorilla?'
'I would rather the lion ate the gorilla.'

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A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, have you got any bread? The bartender replies no, we only sell beer here, so the ducks walks out. He walks in the next day and says to the bartender, have you got any bread? The bartender says, I told you yesterday, we only sell beer, so the ducks walks out. He walks back in the next day and says to the bartender, got any bread? the bartender says, if u come in here tomorrow asking for bread I'll nail your beak to the bar, so the duck walks out. He walks in the next day and says to the bartender, got any nails? No he says, got any bread?

Submitted by : Welsh Matthew 

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What do you call a cow that just had a calf?
Decalfinated!

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What do call a steer without legs?
Ground Beef!

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A man was out for a walk one day and on his travels he wandered through a farm. Strangely, he saw a pig with a wooden leg! This intrigued him so much he found the farmer and quizzed him about it.
"This be no ordinary pig" said the farmer. "For example, only two days ago there was a fire in the chicken shed when I was away from the farm. The pig noticed this and immediately went and let all the chickens out into the yard. He then phoned for the fire brigade and came straight back to hold the fire until they arrived!"
"And a few weeks ago, I was driving my tractor down a steep hill, when I lost control and the vehicle overturned - knocking me unconscious! The pig saw this, phoned for the ambulance and then rushed to the tractor and pulled me clear of the cab just before it set on fire."
The farmer was just about to launch into another tale when the man said "Yes yes, but what about the wooden leg?"
"Well" said the farmer "when you've got an pig as good as that, you don't eat it all at once!"

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Three animals were having a huge argument over who was the best: The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had nary a chance. The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength---none in the forest dared to challenge him. The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any creature. As the trio debated the issue, a grizzly bear came along and swallowed them all: hawk, lion and stinker!

A Joke At Random

What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Sue.

You can find more like this in the Lawyers category