Jokes And Funny Stories About Animals - 4

This is page 4 of jokes and funny stories about animals.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward.
"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The frightened burglar stopped dead. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes", replied the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot, "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the doberman Jesus."

Baby snake: Mommy, are we poisonous?
Mother snake: Yes honey, but why do you want to know?
Baby snake: Well, I just bit my tongue...

A man was walking down the street with a baby ape in his arms when a friend stopped him and asked what he was doing with the chimp. "I just bought this ape as a pet. We have no children; so he's going to live with us - just like one of the family. He'll eat at the same table with us. He'll even sleep in the same bed with me and my wife."
"But what about the smell?" the friend asked.
"Oh, he'll just have to get used to it, the same way I did."

A woman seated at the movies was surprised to find, sitting in the two adjacent seats, a man with his arm around a sheep dog. All through the movie, she noticed the dog watching the picture with apparent understanding snarling when the villain appeared, yelping happily at the funny parts. At the end of the movie, she tapped the man on the shoulder. "I just can't get over how much your dog enjoyed the movie," she said. "It surprises me too," the man answered, "He absolutely despised the book."

A man's car suddenly stopped dead when he was driving down the middle of a country lane. He stepped out of the car and looked inside the bonnet to see if he could fix it. After a while a horse ambled up beside him, had a look at the car and said:
'Your trouble is probably in the carburettor.'
The man was so amazed that he ran down the road until he met the farmer walking towards him. He stopped the farmer and told him exactly what had happened.
'Did the horse have a white patch in the middle of his forehead?' asked the farmer.
'Yes, yes!' cried the motorist.
'Don't pay any attention, then,' said the farmer, 'that was only old Dobbin and he doesn't know a thing about cars. '

A circus trainer was riding his horse around the circus ring when a little dog jumped into the ring and shouted:
'Hello, there!'
'Hello,' replied the surprised trainer, 'I didn't know that dogs could talk.'
His horse turned his head and said:
'You learn something new every day, don't you?'

The thunder god went for a ride on his favourite horse,
'I'm Thor' he cried.
The horse replied:
'You forgot the thaddle, thilly.'

'Would you rather a lion ate you or a gorilla?'
'I would rather the lion ate the gorilla.'

A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, have you got any bread? The bartender replies no, we only sell beer here, so the ducks walks out. He walks in the next day and says to the bartender, have you got any bread? The bartender says, I told you yesterday, we only sell beer, so the ducks walks out. He walks back in the next day and says to the bartender, got any bread? the bartender says, if u come in here tomorrow asking for bread I'll nail your beak to the bar, so the duck walks out. He walks in the next day and says to the bartender, got any nails? No he says, got any bread?

Submitted by : Welsh Matthew 

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