Bars & Bartender Jokes & Funny Stories - 3

 

This is page 3 of jokes and funny stories about bars and bartenders.

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This guy walks into a bar for the first time, and he's sitting around drinking. Some of the old timers are telling jokes. One of them says "Seventeen" and the other old timers all roar with laughter. A little later, another of 'em says "Thirty-Two" and again, they all laugh and holler. Well, the new guy can't figure out what's going on, so he asks one of the locals next to him "What're these old-timers doin'?" The local says "Well, they've been hangin' around together so long they all know all the same jokes, so to save extra talkin' they've given 'em all numbers." The new fellow says "That's mighty clever! I think I'll try that." So he stands up and says in a loud voice "Nineteen!" Silence everybody just looks at him, but nobody laughs. Embarrassed, he sits down again, and asks the local fellow "What happened? Why didn't anyone laugh?" The local says "Well, son, ya just didn't tell it right..."

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This guy walks into a bar, carrying a crocodile and a chicken. He sets them down on the stool next to him, and says to the (uncertain-looking) bartender "I'll have a Scotch and Soda." Then the crocodile says "And I'll have a Whiskey Sour." The (dumbfounded) bartender gasps "That's incredible I've never seen a crocodile that could talk!" And the guy says "He can't the chicken is a ventriloquist."

A Joke At Random

Carol: I heard a mouse squeak.
Steven: Well, what do you want me to do? Oil it???

You can find more like this in the Mouse Jokes category