American Jokes And Humor - 3

This is page 3 of our collection of American jokes and humor.

The phone rings at the FBI headquarters. "Hello?"
"Hello, is this FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom's house. "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yeah they did." "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

World War III. The U.S.A. have succeeded in building a fantastic computer that is able to solve any strategical or tactical problem. The military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine. They describe the situation to the computer and then ask it:
"Shall we attack? Shall we retreat?"
The computer computes for an hour and then comes up with the answer.
"Yes!"
The generals, rather stupefied, look at each other. Finally one of them asks the computer:
"Yes, what?"
After another fifteen minutes the computer replies:
"Yes, Sir!"

A guy was lost on the Mall by the Washington Monument. He stopped a policeman and asked, "What side is the State Dept. on?" The cop answered: "Ours, I hope."

Little old lady at US immigration.
OFFICIAL: Do you advocate the overthrow of the government by violence or subversion?
(Pause for thought)
LITTLE OLD LADY: Violence, I think.

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west!

These four guys were walking down the street: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.
A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"
The Saudi says, "Excuse me, what's a shortage?"
The Russian says, "Excuse me, what's meat?"
The North Korean says, "Excuse me, what's an opinion?"
The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? What's excuse me?"

Just remember: when you go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!

Surprise! You are the lucky winner of random I.R.S. Audit! Just type in your name and social security number.
Please remember that leaving the room is punishable under law:

The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says:
Support your right to bare arms!

"This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. If this had been an actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?"

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A Joke At Random

You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.

You can find more like this in the Office Humor category